


eyes that burn like cigarettes

by orphan_account



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Crying Niall, Established Relationship, Family Issues, M/M, Miscommunication, zouis is mentioned like twice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-04
Updated: 2015-07-04
Packaged: 2018-04-07 15:25:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4268433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>in which niall is so overwhelmed with his own emotions, he ends up pushing away the one person who can make it all better</p>
            </blockquote>





	eyes that burn like cigarettes

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first one shot on here i hope you enjoy, sorry for any mistakes
> 
> title from short skirt / long jacket by CAKE

The slamming of a door echoes through the small apartment causing Harry to jump slightly in fright and whimper pathetically, though he can’t deny he was expecting that. Walking further into the empty hallway, Harry begins to run his hand along the plain wall as he observes the space before him, taking a deep breath. What used to be a lively home, which had never failed to make him feel warm, was now something dull and uncertain, the reason being quite obvious to Harry. He continues to run his fingers along the walls almost dramatically before stopping just in front of the heater. He lets his long fingers work with the dial deciding to just put it on the highest setting, though he was unsure if the heater would actually help with the chilling feeling of the apartment. He makes his way to the kitchen, enjoying the soothing silence that had filled the air for a while now, it was nice but it wasn’t something Harry wanted to get use to. He puts the small container, which was left on the bench from this morning in the microwave. Left overs probably weren’t the most ideal meal for tonight, but it would just have to do. 

Leaning against the counter, Harry runs a hand through his hair as he waits for the food to finish heating up. He groans tapping his feet, trying to distract himself. He didn’t want to think for now, he just wanted to ignore everything for tonight. Though he knows he can’t ignore some things. A loud beeping sound breaks the silence, making Harry jump for the second time that night. He grabs the hot container from the microwave, wincing as the heat makes contact with his skin. Quickly rushing back over to the counter top Harry puts the container down sighing with relief and getting out two small bowls, filling them with sloppy soup. He looks at the food in front of him, a hint of disgust on his face but he had no other choice but to eat it, he was _that_ hungry. Harry shoves a mouthful, swallowing it as fast as he can wanting to avoid the horrible taste of the food he had made two nights ago. Harry had never been known to be a good cook. He closes his eyes; it was a shitty meal for a shitty afternoon. Harry had managed to crack a smile at that thought, the first smile to form on his face for far too long.

Grabbing the two bowls with his now oven mitt covered hands, Harry begins to approach the bedroom an unusual nervous feeling in the pit of his stomach. Managing to knock on the door with his foot, as his hands were full, Harry waits anxiously for the door to open. When it does, Harry’s eyes immediately make contact with a pair of tired blue ones, the same eyes that would tug at his heartstrings every time he would stare into them. The longer he stared into those beautiful but dull eyes the stronger the feeling of guilt grew in the pit of Harry’s stomach.

“Hey Niall, I have food for you,” Harry gives a weak smile and the smaller boy just nods taking one of the bowls out of his hands. “Probably won’t taste the best,” Harry admits and Niall shrugs still not saying a word as he takes a small spoonful of the soup. “Thank you Harry,” Niall says almost lovingly and Harry’s heart skips a beat. The name sounded almost foreign coming off Niall’s tongue but Harry didn’t care, it had been so long since Niall had said his name like that. “Anything else you need?” Harry asks, his voice shaky. Niall shakes his head looking down at the food, and without another word closes the door in Harry’s face. The shocked boy lets out a breath, not expecting that. “Okay,” Harry mumbles to himself, tugging at the loose curls on his head with his spare hand as he walks to the dinning table and begins to eat alone. A small part of him would of liked Niall to join him but he knew that was probably expecting too much.

\- 

It had taken a while, but finally Harry had built up the courage to enter the bedroom, in hopes to sleep on the bed. Lately he’s been sleeping on the couch, which was understandable, Niall wanted space. But his back was starting to hurt and he was desperate to sleep on the king sized bed him and Niall had brought two years ago, even if it was only for one night. “Mind if I sleep in here?” Harry hesitantly asks, only earning a shrug in response, which technically means yes. Harry hurriedly stripes off his clothes, slipping under the warm doona before Niall can change his mind. Niall joins him, lying in the middle of the bed as Harry is on the edge. The younger boy turns his head, observing the outline of Niall’s body, wanting nothing more but to just cuddle up into his arms. But Harry knows that is pushing the boundaries that were unspoken. So not wanting to risk making Niall uncomfortable, Harry just settles for the small shoulder to shoulder contact. 

_It feels like we’re starting all over again,_ Harry cant help but think as he slowly drifts off to sleep, missing when Niall’s rough fingers intertwine with his own.

\- 

The first thing Harry notices when he wakes up is the half empty bed. He looks at the space next to him, confused as to why it was bare since Niall was never much of an early riser. With a small frown Harry’s body leaves the bed, instantly becoming covered in goose bumps as the cold hits him. Without bothering to put on clothes he pads down the hall, slowly turning the corner. The frown on Harry’s face only deepens when he spots Niall lying on the couch, a thin blanket draped over him as he cuddles into a pillow that is bigger then his body. Harry tries not to be bitter, he really does but his sympathy is slowly starting to fade as he becomes more irritated with who he thought was his ‘life partner’. Harry can handle being ignored for one week, two weeks maybe even three weeks but a month without being acknowledged by his partner was a bit too much. 

Not being to help it, Harry stomps to the kitchen not caring if Niall wakes up from the reoccurring loud noise. Angrily Harry makes breakfast, banging pots and pans before he finally has had enough. Marching over to the sleeping boy, Harry rips the blanket off Niall’s body causing him to whimper. “Niall,” Harry says sternly and Niall stirs. “Niall,” Harry repeats, this time his voice louder. Finally Niall’s eyes open, his expression confused as he looks around the room. He rubs his eyes cutely and Harry tries not to coo. He was meant to be angry. 

“We need to talk,” Harry speaks as Niall turns his head, avoiding eye contact. “Niall, did you hear me?” Harry feels like a father scolding his son. 

“Yes, I did hear you.” Niall snaps, before getting up and wrapping the blanket around him, becoming suddenly cold as he waddles away, feeling Harry’s glare on him. “Then why are you walking away?” 

Of course Niall doesn’t respond, just keeps shuffling down the hall and then slamming the door once he reaches the bedroom leaving Harry standing there confused and desperate. “Okay,” Harry whispers to himself trying to keep calm as his idea of talking things out didn’t exactly go to plan. Maybe he was being to hard on Niall. 

Silently Harry walks over to the dining table, beginning to eat the breakfast he had prepared for Niall and himself, alone. Harry thinks he’s already getting use to this.

\- 

It was a Friday when it happened. Harry arrived home, surprisingly in a positive mood as he was determined to make Niall feel better. But when the boy had entered the house it was silent. Shrugging it off, since the silence was something he was use to after two months, Harry makes his way to the kitchen, unpacking groceries and preparing Niall’s favourite meal. Though it would take a few hours to make and might not taste the best, Harry was sure Niall would appreciate his effort. Halfway through cooking the meal, Harry decides to check on Niall. Putting a wide - slightly fake - smile on his face as he approaches Niall’s bedroom. It wasn’t _their_ bedroom anymore as Niall had somehow managed to kick Harry out of it without even uttering a word. 

“Niall,” he knocks softly on the oak door. With no response, Harry tries again. When Harry still doesn’t hear that small Irish voice he decides to just walk in, hoping Niall won’t mind if he’s intruding on anything. “Ni-“ Harry’s voice cuts off as he sees the room oddly empty and clean. The bed being made was the first sign for Harry that something was off, Niall never made the bed. He’d always say, “Harry, why would I waste my time making our bed if we’re just gonna get back in it when I could really be spending time with you.” Then Niall would proceed to poke Harry’s cheek, who would give him a mock glare. Harry’s heart aches at the memory. 

The neatly folded note on the bedside table was when Harry realised something was definitely wrong. He’s read romance novels so he was smart enough to know when a note was left it was usually bad news. With shaky hands Harry reaches for the note, squeezing his eyes tight as soon as he unfolds the lined paper to see Niall’s boyish handwriting. Hesitantly, Harry opens his eyes again not being able to resist the temptation of reading the note. 

And with those two words Harry’s heart broke.

\- 

“Could you maybe lend a fucking hand?” Niall snaps out of his daze as soon as a loud squeaky voice fills his ear. Spinning around he sees Louis standing there, hand rested on his jutted hip as he looks at Niall with narrow eyes. “When did you get home?” Niall asks surprised, turning the volume down on the TV. 

“Like half an hour ago, you were to caught up in that-“ Louis gestures to the television, which was currently playing Friends, “to notice. Now you’ve been here for the past week and you haven’t even cooked dinner. Not once.” Niall blinks at Louis, who seems to be growing angrier by the second though Niall knew he was only half serious. 

“Turn this shit off and go make dinner,” Louis orders, throwing the wooden spoon he was holding at Niall’s head. Huffing, Niall ducks not wanting to get hit and luckily the spoon only scrapes at his hair. “Hey I like that show.” Niall says his voice higher than usual as he picks up the spoon that now had fluff on it from the carpet. Louis raises an eyebrow. “You use to hate it,” he points out. 

“It’s Harry’s favourite.” Niall mumbles and suddenly it’s silent. 

Both young men just stand there, not saying a word. Louis opens his mouth wanting to say something, but Niall shakes his head as he walks out of the room with clenched fists, and Louis swears he hears a small sob escape the departing boy. Louis chooses to follow him, deciding that there was something that needed to be talked about. 

“Niall,” Louis’s tone is demanding as he marches towards Niall, who has his back to him. He’s leaning against the counter, knuckles white as they latch onto the cold counter top and Louis can hear shaky breaths escape Niall lips. Gripping a strong hand on Niall’s shoulder, Louis repeats his name and Niall turns around, nostrils flared slightly as he moves his shoulder in a circular motion to get Louis’s hand off him. “You’re distracting me from making _your_ dinner.” 

“Niall,” Louis sighs and Niall already knows what’s coming. “Just leave it,” he mutters, eyes roaming the floor. “It needs to be discussed.”

Louis grabs Niall’s hand, tugging on it slightly as he spins on his heels and leads Niall to the dining table. “Sit,” Louis whispers though his tone is strong and Niall quickly obeys. 

“What happened?” Louis starts and the younger boy gives him a look like he’s dumb or something. “Ok, ok. I know what happened. But I don’t know why you’re here instead of in the arms of your loved one.” 

“Boyfriend. He’s my boyfriend.” 

Not being able to hold it in, Louis snorts. “You’re the one who use to go on about how he was- is your ‘soul mate’ or whatever.” He says, remembering the first time Niall had met Harry. They were at a café, to study for final exams but of course Niall couldn’t keep his eyes off the handsome barista. He had probably ordered about seven coffees before he had actually gathered enough courage to ask the cute curly head boy out. Not surprisingly Harry agreed with an eager nod of his head and the two exchanged numbers as Louis just watched the scene before him amusement clear on his face, as he had never seen Niall so nervous in his life. After their departure from the café, Niall had spent the drive home talking about how he ‘didn’t believe in love at first sight until now’ or that he had ‘finally found the one’. After their first date, three years ago, Niall and Harry had never gotten out of the honeymoon stage, at least not until recently. 

“I’m gonna make some coffee, leave you to think for a bit. By the time I get back I expect answers.” Louis says, pushing his chair back and Niall scrunches his face at the scraping sound but nods anyway. As soon as Louis exits Niall releases a long breath, running a hand through his almost brunette hair and tugging slightly. He didn’t want things to be this way, he wanted to avoid this but somehow Niall’s head had gotten in the way, causing him to ignore his heart. 

Suddenly Louis is running back into the room, two mugs placed firmly in his hand. “Drink up buttercup,” he smiles as soon as Niall lets out a yawn, indicating he was tired. Niall takes a large sip from the ’#1 Dad’ cup that Zayn had given to Louis. It was weird but then again they were weird. “I don’t like drinking from this cup,” Niall scowls placing the cup down and smacking his lips together as Louis gives him a sheepish smile. “Stop trying to change the subject.” 

Niall mumbles a small ‘okay’ before opening his mouth and beginning to brief Louis on what had been happening in the last few months. “Ever since I found out Harry and I-“ Niall chokes not liking the words coming from his mouth, “Harry and I haven’t really been communicating hence why I am here.” 

“What do you mean not communicating?” Louis raises an eye, not believing it. “I mean we’re not talking. I don’t know why we’re just not and it hurts, so much and I couldn’t stand sitting around in that house with nothing to do.” 

“So you just came here?” Louis asks. 

“Well yeah- the night before I invited myself here I heard Harry, he was sleeping on the couch. He was crying really loudly and it just broke my heart and I couldn’t be there a moment longer, it was suffocating so the next day I left. And here I am.” Niall finishes and Louis nods at the new information. 

“Does he know you’re here?” 

“Uh- no.” Niall mumbles, feeling guilty. 

“Did you tell him you were leaving?” 

Niall lets out an uneasy chuckle. “Kind of, I left a note.” he says and Louis bangs his clenched fist on the table as soon as the words come out of Niall’s mouth. “Damn it Niall!” 

Jumping slightly, Niall stares at Louis wide-eyed. “What?” 

“You’re such a dick.” Louis’s tone is harsh, but Niall knows he’s right. Bowing his head in shame, Niall mumbles a small ‘I know’ as he plays with his fingers. “You can’t do that to someone you love.” 

Niall’s throat burns as he looks at the cold coffee placed in front of him, stirring it with the small spoon. He doesn’t speak a word, knowing anything that comes out of his mouth would probably become a loud sob. “I need you out of here by Friday. Zayn’s coming over.” Louis sighs and all Niall can do is nod, not having the strength to wiggle his eyebrows suggestively about what might happen Friday night. 

“You’re going to fix this Niall.”

\- 

It wasn’t until the very last minute Niall decided to leave Louis’s. The couple were coming home from their date when Niall had dashed past them as soon as the front door was opened, leaving them shocked and Louis slightly annoyed Niall hadn’t left sooner. At least he was gone. 

Usually Niall would drive without haste, he would just cruise along enjoying the breeze in his face and the loud music that would always be playing. But this time Niall wasn’t taking his time, he was desperate to see Harry and he was kicking himself for waiting this long. Niall swerves, basically driving like a manic but all that was on his mind right now was _HarryHarryHarry_. 

As soon as Niall arrives at his home for two years, he stumbles out of the car forgetting to close the car door as he rushes to the house door stabbing the key in the hole with shaky hands. Finally, managing to unlock the door Niall lets out a deep breath and before he can stop himself he pushes the door open with force. He closes it softly behind him, looking for any signs of movement around the house but unfortunately finding none. Maybe Harry was asleep, since it was pretty late at night and Harry enjoyed going to sleep early. Niall tiptoes towards the bedroom not wanting to wake up his boyfriend if he was sleeping. Not even considering knocking Niall enters the room and is surprised to see a small light on in the corner of the room. 

There, sitting in the corner was a shirtless Harry, flipping the pages of his book obviously not haven heard Niall yet. He always did have bad hearing. “Ha-“ Niall starts, but his breath gets caught in his throat when Harry slowly looks up, confusion in his eyes. 

“Niall?” He asks hesitantly and Niall gulps as he looks at the bedside table, which was covered in scrunched up tissues. Now the only thing running through his mind was, _how could you leave him like that?_ Niall begins to walk closer to the bed, the need for Harry’s touch almost suffocating as Harry looks at him with wide eyes. Niall sits down on the bed letting out a whimper as his hand makes contact with Harry’s but before he can even entwine their fingers Harry is pulling back, the confusion that was once in his eyes now replaced with a burning anger. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing here?” He says, tone harsh as he scrambles to get out of the bed, wanting to be as far away as possible from Niall. 

“I- I just missed you and-“ Niall can’t even finish his sentence as the sight of Harry standing a few meters away, fuming, causes him to shrink back. “You missed me? Really Niall?” Harry lets out a bitter laugh. “Fucking really! How would you feel if you came back to an empty house, the person you love not there and only finding a note from them saying, ‘I’m sorry’? And then they come back a fucking week later saying they missed you. How would you feel Niall?” 

“I think I would try to understand where-“ 

“Bullshit!” Harry cuts Niall off, his voice booming. “I want you to leave,” Harry then whispers. 

“Look I know you’re upset but please just hear me out.” Niall says with all the strength he can muster though there was no denying how terrified he was right now. But Niall wasn’t quite sure if he was terrified of Harry or of losing Harry. “Hear you out? Ok you have ten seconds. Go.” 

“What? Harry-“ 

“One, Two, Three.” Harry begins to count and Niall has a panicked look on his face. “I’m sorry! I’m sorry for leaving you. I’m sorry for ignoring you. I just wanted space, I couldn’t cope when I found out please, I didn’t mean-“ 

“Times up, Niall. Please get out of my house.” Harry grits out, trying not to cave in at the pleading look Niall is giving him. The overwhelming need to just cuddle the sad boy in front of him was too much so he turns his gaze to the floor, wanting to avoid those blue eyes that made him so weak. “Just please, leave.” 

“This is my house! You can’t kick me out of my own house.” Niall argues, wanting to work this out with Harry but unfortunately it backfires. “Fine, then I’ll leave.” 

Before Niall can even register the words Harry is already reaching out under the bed getting a suitcase, placing it on the bed and heading for the closet. “Wait! You can’t leave, that’s just as bad as me.” Niall can’t believe this, he really can’t believe this is happening. “Actually it’s not. Because I have an actual reason to leave.” Harry says calmly, dumping the loads of clothes he had randomly selected into the small suitcase. Not thinking about his actions, Niall quickly tosses the clothes that were messily placed in the suitcase to the other side of the room, a shitty attempt to stop Harry from leaving but all it does is make Harry angrier. “Stop acting like a fucking five year old.” He grunts, not believing his boyfriend was so immature. 

“Harry, please. Just stay. I’ll make it right, I promise.” Niall pleads. 

“No! No Niall. No. You can’t make everything right. Do you even know what you did? Just because your mum is sick doesn’t mean you can shut everyone out. I understand it’s hard but I could of helped. The night we came back from the hospital I could of helped! You knew that too. You knew I was here for you, you just didn’t want to admit that you needed help.” Harry stomps over to where his clothes were laying on the floor, picking them up as Niall tugs at his hair. 

“I know Harry. I know and I realise I should of just let you. But please you’re overreacting we can fix this, I know we can, baby please. I can’t be without you please- Harry please!” Niall is nearly screeching as Harry zips the suitcase, picking it up and beginning to walk out of the room. 

“Fuck!” Niall curses, rushing towards Harry and locking a hand around his wrist, trying to stop him from walking away. “Please. Stay.” Niall whimpers, gripping Harry’s wrist even tighter and Harry hisses at the feeling of Niall’s finger nails digging into his tan skin. Pulling away with force Harry begins to stomp away, Niall trailing along behind him, mumbling incoherent words that sound like pleads. 

It’s when they’re a few meters away from the front door that Niall clings onto Harry. Arms tight around his torso as Harry lets out a small grunt. In any other situation they would laugh at how ridiculous they probably looked. But both were blinded by there own emotions to even notice the humor. “Niall let go of me. Now.” Harry growls and surprisingly Niall lets go, bowing his head, finally giving up. He retreats away from the taller boy, with eyes glazed over and Harry sighs, turning around and reaching for the door handle. Niall lets out whimper, sliding down the wall as he watches Harry open the door, who is using all the mental strength he can to not turn back and hug Niall’s small frame. 

But when Harry turns to take one last look at the man he loves, he sees something he thought he never would and his eyes widen in disbelief. In front of him, Niall was literally on the floor, head in hands and legs tucked in, his whole body quivering as small sobs leave his lips. The sounds breaking Harry’s heart. Niall lets out an even louder sob when he hears the door shut, thinking Harry has left him, with nothing. Niall’s whimpering echoes around the house covering the sound of Harry’s footstep, which are approaching him. Harry crouches down, brushing a hand through the visible part of Niall’s fringe and makes a shushing sound. As Niall lifts his head with wide eyes, Harry lets out a gasp at the sight of him. Tear tracks evident on Niall’s face as his red eyes are brimmed with tears. 

“Niall,” Harry whispers, shocked and Niall lets out a chocking sound. Never had Harry seen Niall cry and the sight really had taken his breath away. Even when Niall had found out his mother was sick, he had locked himself in his room not allowing Harry to see him cry. Niall cries even harder as Harry brings a comforting hand to rest on his back, rubbing softly. For Harry, this whole situation was so overwhelming, a part of him didn’t want Niall to cry but another part of him felt like it was best for the both of them if Niall did show his blue emotions every once in a while. “It’ll be okay.” Harry whispers, pecking Niall’s sweaty forehead. 

“Thought I lost you,” Niall mumbles and Harry shakes his head. “No you didn’t, I’m sorry.” Harry rests his forehead against Niall’s. “We’ll sort it out soon,” he says, joining their lips together and Niall gasps. It had been so long since the two had shared a romantic moment like this. Bringing his hand to cup Harry’s jaw, Niall tilts his head and deepens the kiss wanting to make the most of this moment. It’s when Niall lets out a small moan at the feeling of Harry’s tongue running along his bottom lip that Harry decides to break the heated kiss, not wanting it to get out of hand at a time where Niall was still so vulnerable. 

“Please don’t leave,” Niall says, voice rough. Harry has a small smile on his face as he stares deeply into his boyfriend's eyes. “Never.” 

“Good,” Niall exhales, nuzzling his face into the crook of Harry’s neck. 


End file.
